Where are Sawyer & Jake? (part 2)

February 26, 2012 at 9:16 pm | Posted in after death?, Death, Grief, life lessons, Love, normal? | 5 Comments
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In this post I wrote that I believe Jake and Sawyer are in our hearts.  I also believe they are close by.  I do not have any proof.  It is just a feeling (and a hope).  Maybe at times it is more than a feeling.

Last year, in the last few days of Evan’s mother’s life she (Shelley) spoke about people in the room.  She was at home.  Family, friends and hospice were with her.  A few times Shelley mentioned that there was a woman behind her and a little boy on the bench at the end of her bed.

When she was 17, Shelley took care of her sick mother.   Shelley cared for her until she died 2 years later.  Shelley was 19 at the time.  Over 40 years later, Shelley spoke about a woman behind her bed.  I believe that woman was her mother.

Evan’s sister asked questions about the woman and the boy.  Shelley said that the boy seemed like he was around 6.  At the time of Shelley’s death Jake would have been 5 1/2.  I like to think that the boy was Jake.

“It is the secret of the world that all things subsist and do not die, but only retire a little from sight and afterwards return again.  Nothing is dead; men feign themselves dead, and endure mock funerals and mournful obituaries, and there they stand looking out of the window, sound and well, in some new strange disguise.”   – –  Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is all part of my new normal.  The reality I live in now does not include Jake and Sawyer’s physical presence but they are always nearby.  They send me signs – like when I see a praying mantis on the window of my parent’s 8th floor condo or a ladybug in the middle of winter.  I will look for their signs while I wait to hold Jake and Sawyer again.  As an extremely wise bereaved mom wrote, “a lifetime is an impossibly long time to wait to hold my child again.”


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  1. Lanie, I believe in the signs, and I think there is so much more than we realize. I love the words by Henry Scott Holland….”Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner…All is well.”

  2. It’s a beautiful thought, her mother holding tight to your babies until it’s your turn again.

  3. I believe in signs too, it’s all we have, isn’t it? I like to think that my MIL, who passed away when my husband was only 12 is taking care of Hadley for me, it gives me comfort to think she has a grandchild to hold and that there is someone watching Hadley for me. Thanks for linking to me, although I’m not sure about the “wise” part :). Sending you hugs as always.

  4. Beautiful post lanie. xo

  5. I certainly believe in signs. And, I think it would be completely naive of us here on this earthy plane to think that no one can make contact with those “spirits” (for lack of a better term) that may be exisiting in another plane. And yes–perhaps some need to believe, and some want to believe, but in our cases, we just believe.

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