Anytime, Anywhere

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Anytime, Anywhere

July 26, 2011 at 11:10 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, mourning, parents | 6 Comments
Tags: death, grief, life after loss, parenthood

One of the main reasons I started to write this blog was my hope to help others with their difficult journeys. I have already written that I do not have magic words of wisdom to heal the pain of bereaved parents. I came across a letter written by a pediatric nurse which was published by Ann Landers. I found it helpful so I thought I would pass it along. . .

An Open Letter to Bereaved Parents

I won’t say, “I know how you feel” — because I don’t. I’ve lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends, but I’ve never lost a child. So how can I say I know how you feel?

I won’t say, “You’ll get over it” — because you never will. Life will, however, have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine. The chores will take your mind off your loved one, but the hurt will still be there.

I won’t say, “Your other children will be a comfort to you” — because they may not be. Many mothers I’ve talked to say that after they have lost a child, they easily lose their temper with their remaining children. Some even feel resentful that they’re alive and healthy, when the other child is not.

I won’t say,“Never mind, you’re young enough to have another baby” — because that won’t help. A new baby cannot replace the one you’ve lost. A new baby will fill your hours, keep you busy, give you sleepless nights. But it will never replace the one you’ve lost.

Your may hear all these platitudes from your friends and relatives. They think they are helping. They don’t know what else to say. You will find out who your true friends are at this time. Many will avoid you because they can’t face you. Others will talk about the weather, the holidays and the school concert but never about your child. Never about how you are coping.

So what will I say?

I will say, “I’m here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere.” I’ll cry with you if need be. I’ll talk about your loved one. We’ll laugh about the good memories. I won’t mind how long you grieve. I won’t tell you to pull yourself together.

No, I don’t know how you feel — but with sharing, perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through. And maybe you will feel comfortable with me and find your burden eased. Try me.
Written by Linda Sawley, pediatric nurse; published by Ann Landers

6 Comments »

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love you.

Comment by Lisa— July 26, 2011 #

Reply
It is helpful to hear Lanie. I am thinking of you, here for you. Anytime, anywhere.

Amy

Comment by Amy Johnson— July 26, 2011 #

Reply
Thank you for sharing this. And for sharing your story.

Comment by meredith— July 26, 2011 #

Reply
thanks so much for sharing this, something very wise and helpful for people around

Comment by Natasha— July 27, 2011 #

Reply
So beautiful and perfect.

Comment by Kelcey— July 27, 2011 #

Reply
I am here, and I care.

Comment by Daphne— July 28, 2011 #

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A Mourning Mom