My Real World

June 22, 2011 at 11:02 pm | Posted in Grief, mourning, silver lining, twins | 3 Comments
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“Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony;
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
 – Albert Einstein

Some mornings I wake up and have to remind myself of my reality.  Is it true I have out lived 2 of our children?  Was Jake really born 14 weeks early?  Was Sawyer just a brief wonderful figment of my imagination?  After the morning fog clears I know with unnerving certainty that they are both dead and I am alive. 

People tell me (and I remind myself) how lucky I am to have the twins.  Which of your children would you live without?  Why can I not wake up in the morning with all 4 of my children? 

I get up and face the day.  I try my best to focus on my simplicity, my harmony and my opportunity:

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3 Comments »

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  1. Lanie, no mother should have to know your reality. You do a beautiful job of finding harmony and opportunity in the simple things. Your insight and strength is inspirational. You are making a wonderful legacy for ALL of your children, EVERY day.

  2. It isn’t anywhere close to fair.

  3. We have an older son and then a set of twins of which the girl had a cord accident at 24 weeks and then delivered them at 30 weeks. Her twin brother is doing great. But I sometimes feel like I’m cheating or whining or not appreciating all that went into her twin brother being in such great shape by mourning her. I know intellectually it’s not right, but still happens.


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