November 25, 2010 at 10:04 pm | Posted in Death, silver lining | 10 Comments
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Last Thanksgiving we had just brought Sawyer home (I will go back and finish writing his story, I promise).  This Thanksgiving is bittersweet.  I suppose every day is bittersweet but holidays and anniversaries can be harder.   

I am so very thankful for family and friends who have stood by us during the best and worst of times of our lives.  I am certain that I would not be able to get through these days alone.

I am thankful for our silly twins and their father.  

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I am very thankful for the time that we did have with Jake and Sawyer.  However, there has always been more – I have had a feeling of gratitude that I have not been able to articulate since Jake passed away.  It is very hard to be grateful that your son (or now in our case sons) have died.  The feeling that I want to describe is that I have been so thankful that Jake and Sawyer never knew the hardships which life can bring.  I would give anything to have had them experience more of life than they did.  I was not successful with making that bargain.  Instead, I find comfort and I am thankful that all they ever knew in their too short lives was love.


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  1. Hi Lanie, that is powerful for you to recognize, the full on lives of love those two spirits had, however brief.

    I am grateful to have a cousin like you! xo

  2. That is a beautiful post, Lanie.

  3. Dear Lanie – By comparison to you, I have infinitely more to be thankful for – mainly for things that I did not have to suffer that you had to go through – twice.
    The photos of your “silly twins” are a great pleasure and I can feel your gratitude for them and for Evan.
    When you write that you are also grateful that “Jake and Sawyer never knew the hardships that life can bring,” I wonder what you really wish for them. To have life is to experience whatever it offers. By wishing that your two boys are better off for not having known the hardships of life, are you not elevating their early deaths? It is wonderful that you can say that love is what your two little ones knew, and it is also wonderful that you can say to yourself that you and Evan were the ones to have provided that love. Beyond that, there’s nothing more to say. But your “silly twins” will surely have to know whatever hardships their lives will present them with and you and Evan will help them to gain the the courage and fortitude they will need. That’s a big assignment and I wish that you will be more successful at that than some of the rest of us. Happy Parenting to you!
    Love, Cornelia

  4. Happy Thanksgiving Lanie. Thinking of you and your family. xo

  5. Lanie,
    I understand the feeling of gratitude. I am thankful that my husband did not suffer in life or in death. Strange feeling, isn’t it? But everything about this journey is strange.

  6. correcting my email address for site updates.

  7. Going back to read what I missed….the pictures of the twins are terrific — they are getting so big, and so full of personality!

  8. Lanie, I love this post. As you and I have talked about, we have to learn to live with what life has handed us, as difficult and unfair as it seems. To do that, we have to focus on whatever positive aspects we can identify that have come from these awful situations, and learn to find comfort in them. I hope you can continue to find comfort and peace in the feelings you described, as well as the wonderful things that you do have–your beautiful and silly children, loving husband, and friends and family who love you so…including me. 🙂

  9. Lovely post, Lanie! We’re thankful for all of you! The silly, the sad, the good, the bad.

  10. […] know Thanksgiving was last week but. . […]

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