Jake’s Funeral

September 14, 2010 at 9:24 pm | Posted in Death, funeral | 16 Comments

The morning of Jake’s funeral arrived.   It still did not seem real to me.  I just moved through the motions.   Some one told me to get dressed.   I tried to get dressed but quickly realized I had asked my father, brother and father-in-law to remove anything baby related from the house – including my maternity clothes.   I did not see a problem with wearing the black t-shirt and sweatpants that I had been wearing for days.   However, my mom stepped in and dressed me in clothes I knew I would never wear again.

We drove to the funeral home.  We met with the rabbi.   We were allowed to see Jake one last time.   Once again I begged him to open his eyes.   He did not.   Evan and I sang to Jake.   We drove to the cemetery behind the hearse.  I knew there were a lot of people around but all I could see was Jake’s tiny casket.   I could not take my eyes off of it.   It took all of my will power not to jump into the ground with the casket.  I swore that if we ever had to bury another child that I wanted to be buried too.   Later I would have to take those words back.

The rabbi performed a short service.   My brother spoke.  He had just come from my grandmother’s funeral so this was the second funeral he spoke at that week.  My brother also read something Evan had written the night before.   I am still in awe that he had the ability to write anything that night.  Below is what he wrote:

We love you Jake.

You are our sunshine.

You are such a courageous and strong fighter, and we are so proud of you.

Jake, you are a miracle, and we thank you for choosing us to be your parents.

You are so wise for someone so young and so small.  You knew when you had to come into this world Jake, and you knew when you had to leave us to be in a better place.

You are and were the perfect son for us.

Jake, please know that we felt all the love you gave to us during your time here.

We are sad that we could only spend such a short time with you, but we are so glad and thankful for every minute of it.

It is amazing how we could come to love you so immediately and so completely even though we were just getting to know each other.

Then again, we feel like we have known you all of our lives, and you will be in our hearts forever and beyond.

We are so grateful to all of you, both here in person and here in spirit, who have offered such kind words and prayers for Jake and for us.

We know Jake heard them all and appreciated each one.

Jake, we also know that you are at peace and that you are being watched over by all of our loved ones who also watch over all of us from above.

Thank you, Jake.

Thank you for coming to us.

Thank you for choosing us.

Thank you for loving us and letting us love you with all of our hearts.

We’ll see you every night playing up with the moon and the stars.

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16 Comments »

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  1. I will always remember Evan’s message especially the line, “you are the perfect son for us”.

  2. I remember that day and Evan’s words. Beautifully written.

  3. I am crying at those beautiful words.

  4. Love.

  5. Touching words, indeed.
    Yes, to say that you could never live through such sorrow again – only to be faced with it a second time…I still am shocked that I survived.

  6. “We’ll see you every night playing up with the moon and the stars.”

  7. Your words allow all of us to remember with love and hope. Thank you.

  8. I remember seeing little Jake and thinking he looked like a perfect little doll–and that he was at peace. You were both so brave that day, and you didn’t even realize it.

  9. Evan’s words are truly beautiful. I am amazed he was able to write them. Thanks for sharing them.

  10. women like you are not only making the world better raising awareness on childhood illness – but you are also making the rest of us better. all of us. no one can read your story and not carry it with them forever. I will never look at my children with the same eyes, and will NEVER take a moment with them for granted. so much love for you. thank you for your courage, strength, and honesty. you are beautiful.

  11. […] sad voice spoke once more, “Do you realize that our only child died last week and his funeral was just days […]

  12. […] funeral.   I still cannot believe that Evan and I have lived through 2 of our children’s funerals.   Most of those days are a big blur and what I do remember was that everything seemed so surreal. […]

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    Continue the good work!

  15. […] Jake died we did switch ob/gyns but not initially.  Evan and I decided that so few people knew Jake and […]

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