Friday Night
August 26, 2010 at 10:14 pm | Posted in NICU | 1 CommentTags: death, grief
Jake had been having problems keeping his blood pressure up. The doctors had to increase the assistance they gave him through the ventilator and medications. The doctors had been treating a problem with his blood circulation over the past few days and they hoped that fixing that problem would help Jake. They did correct the circulation problem — however, his blood pressure continued to sink and remained unstable. He required more and more help from the ventilator to breathe. In addition, the fluid from the “hydrops” returned each time the doctors removed it. The fluid added pressure on Jake’s lungs and made it that much tougher for him to get oxygen and caused him to rely even more on the ventilator.
The doctors were at the point where they were doing everything they could for him. Our update from the doctors on Thursday was not good. During Friday’s update we were given a choice. Dr. K explained to us that it now was our decision to keep Jake on the ventilator or to take him off of it. They had done all they could do for our baby. And, we were left with a decision that no parent should ever have to make.
We decided we would wait through the weekend before making any other decisions. And, we would hope for a miracle.
We spent Friday night at the hospital with Jake. As, Evan wrote on Jake’s Caring Bridge site “It’s our Friday night date, and no one could ask for better company.”
I did not want to end our Friday night date. Bridget, the NICU nurse assigned to Jake that night, said we should go home. She also told me that I could call her any time I wanted.
We did go home and I did get into bed. I called Bridget every hour. Around 2:00 am I got dressed and asked Evan to drive me back to the hospital. He would not. I called Bridget at 3:00 am and again at 4:00 am. Bridget said it was time to come back.
I walked down the hall of our house to the room where my parent’s were sleeping. My mom had come back the Wednesday after my grandmother’s funeral. My dad had come back on Thursday. I could not see anything in the darkness and I just whispered softly to my parents that we were going back to the NICU to be with Jake.
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A Mourning Mom 
My friend,
I continue to marval at your strength. You write so well. This is such a great tribute to Jake. I hope you know that you are touching so many lives with his story. He will live on forever in the hearts of all those who read about him. My love to you – Amy.
Comment by Amy— August 26, 2010 #