Jake’s Funeral

September 14, 2010 at 9:24 pm | Posted in Death, funeral | 16 Comments

The morning of Jake’s funeral arrived.   It still did not seem real to me.  I just moved through the motions.   Some one told me to get dressed.   I tried to get dressed but quickly realized I had asked my father, brother and father-in-law to remove anything baby related from the house – including my maternity clothes.   I did not see a problem with wearing the black t-shirt and sweatpants that I had been wearing for days.   However, my mom stepped in and dressed me in clothes I knew I would never wear again.

We drove to the funeral home.  We met with the rabbi.   We were allowed to see Jake one last time.   Once again I begged him to open his eyes.   He did not.   Evan and I sang to Jake.   We drove to the cemetery behind the hearse.  I knew there were a lot of people around but all I could see was Jake’s tiny casket.   I could not take my eyes off of it.   It took all of my will power not to jump into the ground with the casket.  I swore that if we ever had to bury another child that I wanted to be buried too.   Later I would have to take those words back.

The rabbi performed a short service.   My brother spoke.  He had just come from my grandmother’s funeral so this was the second funeral he spoke at that week.  My brother also read something Evan had written the night before.   I am still in awe that he had the ability to write anything that night.  Below is what he wrote:

We love you Jake.

You are our sunshine.

You are such a courageous and strong fighter, and we are so proud of you.

Jake, you are a miracle, and we thank you for choosing us to be your parents.

You are so wise for someone so young and so small.  You knew when you had to come into this world Jake, and you knew when you had to leave us to be in a better place.

You are and were the perfect son for us.

Jake, please know that we felt all the love you gave to us during your time here.

We are sad that we could only spend such a short time with you, but we are so glad and thankful for every minute of it.

It is amazing how we could come to love you so immediately and so completely even though we were just getting to know each other.

Then again, we feel like we have known you all of our lives, and you will be in our hearts forever and beyond.

We are so grateful to all of you, both here in person and here in spirit, who have offered such kind words and prayers for Jake and for us.

We know Jake heard them all and appreciated each one.

Jake, we also know that you are at peace and that you are being watched over by all of our loved ones who also watch over all of us from above.

Thank you, Jake.

Thank you for coming to us.

Thank you for choosing us.

Thank you for loving us and letting us love you with all of our hearts.

We’ll see you every night playing up with the moon and the stars.

A Different Kind of Babysitter

August 30, 2010 at 10:50 pm | Posted in funeral, traditions | 9 Comments
Tags: , , ,

The doctors asked if we wanted an autopsy of Jake’s body.   Our first question was if there could be anything determined from the autopsy which would further explain Jake’s death.  The answer was no.   Our second question was would anything from an autopsy benefit other babies or medical research.  Another no.   Jake had been through so much.  We did not want him to go through anything else.  So our answer was no autopsy.  (Years later I was heartbroken to learn that parents are not always given the option to decline an autopsy for their child – but that story is for a later post. . .)

We left the hospital several hours later.   Again, I did not want to leave without Jake.  Realistically, I knew that he was no longer there – just his 2 lb. 14 oz. body.   I was preoccupied with where he would be taken.   I did not want Jake to be alone.  He had never been alone.  Jake was inside of me for 26 weeks.   Once he was born he was surrounded by numerous doctors and nurses.  Before we left we were assured that he would not be alone and that Jake’s body would be brought to the funeral home that afternoon.  

At 11 am we went to the funeral home.   We discussed arrangements and picked out a casket.  Turns out there is only one casket Jake’s size.  So once again, we did not have to make a decision – Jake made it for us.   I asked and Jake’s body was not there yet.

Next we had a 1 pm appointment at the cemetery.  We were shown an area called Baby Land.  It is the section of the cemetery for babies and young children.  It just felt wrong for us.  We were taken to the other side of the cemetery on a small hill.   It was so peaceful and pretty.   Evan and I knew this was where we wanted Jake to be buried.

We finalized the arrangements.   Again, I asked where Jake was and if I could go see him.  I know this sounds morbid but I just could not bear the thought of him being alone – even if it was just his body.  We were told that he was at the funeral home and we were allowed to go see him.

Matt, our contact at the funeral home, met with us again.  He told us about Shomerim.

“Shomerim are watchers or guardians of the soul. Jewish tradition requires that the deceased not be left alone prior to burial. “Shomers” and “Shomeretts” therefore sit at the funeral home in close proximity to the deceased, reading psalms and assisting them in making the transition from life to death. This activity is considered holy.”

I felt myself breathe again.   Kevin, the shomerim, sat with Jake and read psalms to him.  Jake was not alone.

« Previous Page

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.