what i have learned in the 10 years since Jake died

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what i have learned in the 10 years since Jake died

August 31, 2015 at 9:44 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love, why I write | 11 Comments
Tags: anniversaries, child loss, death of a baby, deathiversary, life after loss, new not so normal, perspective, post traumatic stress disorder, premature birth, what i have learned in the 10 years since Jake died

Dear Jake,
Another August has come and gone – the 10th August since you left this world. I honestly was not sure that I would make it – 10 years seems like an eternity at times but I still find it so hard to believe that it has been that long since your dad and I last held you.

The first thing that I learned is that I will make it through the days, months and years without you. I do not like it and it is excruciatingly hard. But, your dad and I were not given a choice. We are still alive.

I started writing this blog when you were gone for 5 years. Five years also seemed impossible. You would have started kindergarten and your brother Sawyer had died so unexpectedly 8 months earlier. A therapist and a few friends suggested I try writing. I thought why not – maybe I can help myself and possibly help others.

I think I had visions that one day I would change the name of the blog to something other than a mourning mom. It turns out 5 years later I am still a mourning mom. I have not found a cure for hydrops or premature birth. In fact, we still do not even know what caused Sawyer’s death. I have not started a non-profit or a race. And, I still have days when I cannot stop crying because I miss you and your brother so much.

I wanted to write what I have learned in these 10 years living in this world without you. I thought I could write one post to sum it all up but it is not quite that easy. So, this my sweet Jake will just be part 1. I will write to hopefully help others through their own journey. And, even if I cannot help others I know that in another 5 years I will look back on these posts to help myself figure out how to survive the 10 year deathiversary of your baby brother.

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A thousand hugs to you.

Comment by Sara— August 31, 2015 #

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Jake was such a brave fighter and so are you, Lanie & Evan. I don’t know how you do it but I admire your strength so much. All my love, Julie

Comment by Julie— August 31, 2015 #

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one step at a time surrounded by the love of your two wonderful children, evan, and the family that loves you.

Comment by growing stronger— August 31, 2015 #

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There is no correct path through this. Just step by step and try to see and be the good in the world. hugs to you!

Comment by Susan FB— September 1, 2015 #

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many hugs to you sweet friend. xoxo

Comment by Lisa Petrovich— September 1, 2015 #

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There is no timetable on grief. Sending lots of love. xo

Comment by kelcey— September 1, 2015 #

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You are beautiful. Sending you love my friend.

Comment by Daphne— September 1, 2015 #

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Dahlin you have done so much in these 10 years. I am so very proud of you. Sending love.

Comment by Amy— September 1, 2015 #

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We are at 13.5 years now. Doesn’t seem possible, like it was so long ago..and yet it seems like it was yesterday. Hugs to you.

Comment by Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective— September 4, 2015 #

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[…] goes on (as it should) but another one of the important lessons I have learned in the 10 years since Jake died is I am no longer the same person. Some call it their new normal. I do not think there is […]

Pingback by Remembering | A Mourning Mom— October 20, 2015 #

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[…] expert by now. I am not. As the twins said, “It is okay mama, Buddy is now playing with Jake, Sawyer, Mom Mom and […]

Pingback by land of denial | A Mourning Mom— August 8, 2016 #

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A Mourning Mom