Odd but NOT OkSeptember 12, 2013 at 2:26 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life, Love, Sawyer, venting | 11 Comments
Tags: baby loss, cemetery, death of a baby, grief, loss of a child, missing bolts, new normal, unexplainable
I am drawn quietly to his grave to check on him,
Just as I’d have been drawn quietly to his crib.
I trim the grass around his marker,
And dream of trimming bangs from his forehead.
I place flowers in his vase,
And dream of placing kisses on his cheek.
I hold his memory dear to my heart,
And dream of holding him in my arms.
I no longer have any way to physically take care of Jake or Sawyer. The best I can do is going to the cemetery and checking on their shared plot. I know that frequenting a cemetery does not work for some but it is something that I need to do.
Over the last month both Jake and Sawyer’s nameplates have been slightly shifting. I thought maybe the bolts were loose. I shift them back and feel better. Until yesterday.
I could not even shift the plates back. And, where are the bolts?! I do not understand.
I called the cemetery office and immediately broke down into tears trying to explain to the receptionist what I was calling about. Who calls about missing bolts from not just 1 but 2 of their sons’ headstones?! She finally understood me and agreed to send out a maintenance person.
No one can explain what happened to the bolts that should be securing the nameplates to the granite. However, they are both repaired for the moment. We are going to wait and watch to see what happens. I am so not okay with this.