HeartsJuly 26, 2013 at 9:56 am | Posted in Grief, normal?, Sawyer, twins | 4 Comments
Tags: death of a baby, hope, life, loss of a child, new normal, unexplainable
This week the twins had their check up with the pediatric cardiologist. They were both rock stars during the EKG. They both have innocent heart murmurs but otherwise, everything is fine. Their hearts are normal. We will continue regular activity and come back for our next check up.
These are the results that I want to hear. I want both the twins to be healthy and happy. I try so hard to stifle voice that wants to scream, “But, Sawyer was healthy and happy too, until he wasn’t and then he was dead!!” I know that I cannot wrap the twins up in bubble wrap.
The fact that we still do not know why Sawyer died is something I do not let myself think about very often. I have to tuck it away so that it does not consume me. However, during the twin’s cardiologist appointment we need to talk about it. The doctor asked me if there were any updates from the Mayo clinic. No, no updates. We still know that Sawyer had a coarctation of his aorta but it was not narrow enough to cause his death.
I know that there is a very good chance that we will never know the cause of Sawyer’s death. I have accepted this fact but I still do not like it at all.